Argh.

I sent my husband an email yesterday telling him that I wanted to talk to him last night, but not telling him the proposed topic of conversation. It never occurred to me that he would think there was something wrong. I get so focused on what I'm thinking that other perspectives never touch my line of thought. He asked me to tell him what I wanted to talk about because he was nervous. This is what I told him in my email reply -

The talk will be mostly about me, hahaha. Kelley and I talked about me - how I feel, think, what I want, ect.- and as she knows me better than anyone, when she told me she was surprised to learn something about me, I felt like I should talk to you about it too since I couldn't tell her that you really knew this stuff any better than she did. I'm sure it won't be anything new, really, but as it keeps coming up lately with myself, and as Kelley didn't understand the depth of it, I don't want you to be uninformed. We talked about how I had never really talked to you in depth about it, and how that might later affect our marriage if I left it all inside. Does that make sense? We also discussed some good options to deal with it. I'm not getting specific because I don't want to cover the topic in email, but with you. It is important to me, but nothing bad, just me.

I think I waylaid his fears that something bad was going to be covered, but I can't be sure. The thing is that we never got to have the conversation last night. We did our grocery shopping, we played with the puppies, and then I went to bed while he stayed up to put my work clothes in the dryer so I'd have something to wear today. I lamented with him this morning that we didn't get to talk and he said that perhaps we could have managed it if he hadn't waited up for my clothes.

Sometimes, Zach is my hero. I knew he was also tired last night, but he stayed up anyway so that I could go to bed. He puts up with a lot from me. I give him a hard time - sometimes deservedly so, and sometimes not - but he still does these little things for me that make a huge difference.

No conversation - that was the end result. He didn't appear to be nervous any longer, and I hope he isn't, but it is going to be a difficult subject to discuss. Who wants to hear that their wife likes to imagine running off at a moments notice to somewhere new? Now granted, some people would encourage and enjoy that, but my husband was born in our hometown hospital and has lived at home all but the one year he went off to school. He's not big on change.

We'll see what happens tonight.